Stuff you tell kids

      You know what I hate? I hate when your walking through the woods and happen upon a weasel and it pops. You go whoa! What was that? Then you go "oh" just a weasel popping. I mean when a weasel pops does it blow up? or does it just make a popping kind of sound? Do you get spattered with blood and guts if one pops right next to you? I've heard of puffer fish blowing up. I guess weasels take it one step further and actually pop.

      Have you ever known anyone who had a tuffet to sit on? I mean what is a tuffet anyway? Some kind of little seat to sit on? what about curds and whey. Do you take a bowl of curds and top it with whey? and eat it? That sounds kind of disgusting. I think the spider got a bum rap. It's not the spiders fault the girl had arachnophobia. I mean that's like specie profiling. Just because a few spiders are bad doesn't mean they're all bad. Just think about how the spider felt. All he did was sit beside her.

      Say you're babysitting a kid and you want to sing him a lullaby to help him get to sleep and have pleasant dreams. What do you sing? something soothing? something that will take his mind off his troubles? something that will make him feel safe? Why not sing him a song about being in a cradle in a tree top blowing in the wind, dangling from a brittle bough getting ready to break, moments from falling to the ground, cradle, baby and all. That ought to make him feel safe and carefree. He should be able to drift off to sleep and have pleasant dreams after hearing that. I'd sure hate to hear what you'd tell him if you wanted to terrify him. You wonder why so many people are afraid of heights, or have a fear of falling.